Juice Me

So, I lost 14 pounds and then my body decided it was done. A plateau is normal for every diet but dammit, I'm impatient!!! I decided to do the Mean Green Cleanse. I think they need to change the name, though. I wouldn't call it "mean"......it's mildly intimidating at best. I borrowed a juicer from my lovely hippy friend, bought 30 dollars worth of fruits and veggies, strapped on my Reese's Tshirt for solidarity to my first love (junk food) and got to juicing.





First thoughts:
1. $30 buys you about enough for one 20 oz drink.
2. WHAT A FUCKING WASTE! There's so much that gets discarded. All that cucumber that could have gone onto a beautiful tomato and cucumber sandwich with LOTS of mayo.......yuuuuuuuuum.
3. The first taste is some what nice, with apples and lemon. Aftertaste is a bitch. That's when you get hit by the celery and kale. I wouldn't necessarily say it's inedible....just not in any way yummy. Maybe after a couple of days of no food it will taste more like a chocolate shake. Doubt it.

I don't hate it but it's going to take some getting used to, that's for damn sure. I'm willing to try it because the temptation to say "fuck it" and eat my face off is killing me. My boys are off to the beach with their Father and his parents. Not getting to be with them is depressing enough. Adding to that major bummer is the fact that I still remain without a job. I know everything is going to work out but in the meantime the crap food is calling me. Trying this juicing thing is occupying my mind and sticky junk food fingers. We'll see;)

I Miss Bacon!!!

I hope my children appreciate how excruciating it is to not only make them muffins and BACON but to watch them devour it leaving crumbs everywhere. If it were me eating that shit there would be nothing left. What a fucking waste:/

 I love the face full of muffin "I just tracked muffin crumbs all over 

the kitchen so what are you gonna do about it" look on his face.

 Seriously???? THERE'S A BOWL OF PURE 

LOVE IN FRONT OF YOU! I don't get skinny people.

The only thing better than eating bacon is eating bacon on the 

couch....or maybe eating bacon on the couch while wearing a blazer. Fancy.

Damn You, Cookie Cake!!!

So, I decided not to post everyday. That was rather unrealistic of me. There was a cookie cake incident but other than that I've been a very good girl. So far I've lost 10 pounds. Everyday is still a struggle, though. When the boys are at their Father's it's easier to control the urge to eat 10 candy bars in my car but when they are in my care.....it's not pretty. Food has been my happy place all my life. Motherhood upped the need for the happy place by about 1000%. When one of the boys is tantrumming it's about impossible to stop myself from blacking out and waking up in a sea of candy wrappers.

I've made it this far by keeping a strict routine. I eat at certain times and only those times. What cracks me up is when I'm with other people and they treat me like I'm starving myself. My Father actually told me today that "starving yourself isn't going to work". Why does it make people so uncomfortable when other people are not stuffing their faces? I bought a sandwich and I wasn't going to eat it until 12:30 when I got home. That's when I eat lunch. It's hard enough to "diet" but when people are constantly telling me I'm doing it wrong it's damn near impossible. I'm not snacking. Plain and simple. Where I come from it's rude not to eat when others are eating but they are just going to have to deal with it.

I broke down and bought a scale:/. BOO! I had to. My weight isn't what concerns me, it's my size. Having said that I need some sort of incentive to keep going and when I see that number going down it's some pretty fucking good motivation. I need motivation. The stressors keep on a comin' and there's no money in the budget for happy pills, unfortunately:/

Day- I WANT TO KILL EVERYONE WHO IS EATING CHOCOLATE IN FRONT OF ME

Day 1 (do over.....bad crap food weekend): This morning my eyes popped open at 6:18 and I realized I didn't set my alarm for 6:10 the night before. "Oh well, I can go back to sleep and run after work" I says to myself.....then I says to myself, I says "GET YOUR FAT ASS UP, HO!". I'm not a morning person;). I did a run walk today because I wasn't feeling the running thing and to be honest my thighs felt more worked today than they did last week when I was running....odd. I did the Kashi crap for breakfast...blahlblahblah....I swear, if I had any money (and seriously, I don't even have a cent to spare) I'd run to the store and find things to vary this shit up because it's getting OLD! Anyway, I had a veggie burger for lunch (something that never gets old!!!) with cherry tomatoes and real cherries for dessert.

Kill Me Moment: So I'm off work this week and I'm going to a workshop everyday from 8-MFing 3:30. Thank God the teacher lady is obnoxiously high energy so I can focus on making fun of her and not on how insanely famished I am. So I'm fading fast, right, and the day is almost over so I'm trying to keep it together but all I want to do is crawl under the table, cover myself with sticky notes and melt into non-existence. All of a sudden the freaking teacher plops down a ziploc bag of fucking 12 different kinds of CHOCOLATE! Are you fucking kidding me with this shit???? Really? Apparently I didn't mask my astonishment for what had just been basically laid in my lap because other people chuckled at my reaction. I was dead serious with that reaction, too. Of all people she had to put that in front of ME??? Shitfucker! I deserve something expensive and pretty for abstaining from that candy AND for not punching her in the boob! Damn.

Day [mumbles incoherent numbers]

Well.....yeah. Yesterday began great! I ran, I had a plan, I stuck to the plan....and then the party ate my plan up and spit it at me with the force equal to that of a certain 2 year old throwing his sippy cup at the flat screen tv when he's pumped up from a particularly enthralling episode of Tom and Jerry. Some PEOPLE at the party kept filling my drinky cup and when Alice drinks Alice no longer cares which foods she is allowed to eat. I ate it all...and I'm still eating it all. BUT never fear because tomorrow is a new day! In fact I'm going to go out on a limb here and proclaim that the diet time out is now over. I'm a lil sick to my tummy :X. Sometimes ya gotta do that, though. I'm not too rattled. Running makes me deliriously happy and I have every confidence that I will be up at 7 tomorrow morning ready to feel the burn, baby!

Nap time.

Day 4 &5 1/2

Ooops! I forgot to be accountable yesterday. My bad. Yesterday went fine. I ran a mile and ate like a normal person (that's what I consider dieting;). I'm turning into Jared. Subway everyday, baby!

Day 5: This morning I ran a mile and then walked/ran another mile. I plan to clean my ass off today so the food situation will prolly look something like : breakfast-Kashi, Snack-banana, Lunch- soup (ew....hopefully not but I'm not sure what I have), Snack-popcorn and Diet Cherry Creme Blue Sky (it's growing on me....sort of ), Dinner-Lean Cuisine Egg Roll.

Observations: So since I didn't have work today I decided to go running later than than I normally do. VACATION! Usually there isn't anyone out when I'm running but today there was one other runner, a woman with a baby jogger. She had long brown hair and about my height. We passed each other three times because apparently we were on the same loop going the opposite direction. Each time I passed her I thought "Damn, she looks familiar". I finally realized that she reminded me of me after I had my first born. He hated to be indoors so I think I lost 50 pounds in 6 months just jogging him all over town. I loved every second of it. At first he was in the front pack (which hard core built up my back muscles;) but once he got huge he had to go in the baby jogger. I'm glad I had that time with him....since he is now 10 and pretty much thinks I'm the biggest dumb ass that every walked the Earth:/.

Boobs Rule

Day 2 1/2: So last night I had a chicken enchilada. I just can't resist a good slow cooked meat, especially chicken. I'm like that freaky girl on Girl Interrupted that had a thing for chicken. I don't keep it under my bed or anything....well, to be fair I don't *have* an "under my bed" since it's on the floor but I would like to think I'm not that insane:). Again, no promises.

Day 3: Due to the aforementioned chicken incident I decided to go ahead and run as far as my little chubby legs could take me. Today that happened to be 9/10 of a mile. MFing YAY ME!!! Almost a mile, son! AND I went to a BBQ place to meet friends and I did not eat a damn thing. I did have a diet coke with my Subway. The shame:/.

Observation: Today was the second time this month someone has assumed I'm with child while wearing a certain dress. I know I should break up with it but dammit, my boobs look too good in it and it's comfortable as hell! It stays. Apparently I need to send a memo to all the ladies in Fayetteville explaining suspected pregnancy etiquette. Christ! Not cool.

Past my bedtime!!! The boob cakes have little to do with this post but does it matter?