Vag Movie Review

I am divorced. I was married. I am currently not...married. How did I get to this status? One word- "ruin". Okay, I'm all thinky thinky at the moment because I just forced myself to watch Eat Pray Love. Now, I am not a huge Julia Roberts fan by any means. I think the woman is gorgeous but I feel like she acts the same in every movie. So when this movie came out I decided I wanted to see it but...meh...later. What I really wanted to do was read the god damn book first but let's be realistic on that ever happening.

"How....DID I get to this status?" asked once more by you but mostly by me. Well, I guess to be as vague as I possibly can be, you could say that both my ex and I played "tag you're it" with our marriage. "It" meaning "you are now the one that gets to push the other one away. When it was my turn to be "it"...well, I guess I've always been an overachiever in the fucking up category. What resulted from this little sad game was ruin.

The line I felt deepest in the movie was "ruin is the road to transformation". I have to point out that I am not a smarty. I am not particularly philosophical or political or idealogical...fuck, honestly I can't say I could even define any of those 'cals. I function on a "need to know/half assed/ keep it simple stupid/ good enough now let's go eat pizza" basis. But that little sentence "ruin is the road to transformation" literally made me breath. I heard it and I breathed.

This is not to say that I am going to be packing my shit up and high tailing it to Bali or India...well, Rome would be nice....but no, not even Rome. I want to be right here, physically. Emotionally I'd love to be anywhere but where I am. I'm not a basket case so don't go giving me any self help shit. I'm ok. I just need....well, I dunno what I just need. I've been saying "I just need" my whole life. "I just need someone to love me. I just need a baby. I just need more Reese's". I think I JUST need to stop saying "I just need" and get the fuck on with it.

"Ruins are the remains of human-made architecture: structures that were once complete, as time went by, have fallen into a state of partial or complete disrepair, due to lack of maintenance or deliberate acts of destruction." Interesting definition. The end is particularly cutting. "Lack of maintenance or deliberate acts of destruction". Yeah, that sounds about right.

So, now I am rebuilding. Some people think I have lost my fucking mind. SOME people think I am going through some sort of mid thirties crisis. Some people...need to love and support me and trust that even though I might not be a smarty I still am the one walking around in my own skin and I do know a little bit more about what it means to be me than they do.

And that, my dear wonderful beautiful friends, is what I took from Eat Pray Love. That and I really liked Julia's hair! I totally think my hair could look like that if I tried;D

Love you guys.