Saturday, April 27, 2013

Alice- The Part Time Good Choice Maker

   
     I've made an interesting introspective observation about my online activity choices and how they make me feel. Being on Facebook....well....I don't think I have to go into detail here. Pretty much makes me feel like Creepy McCreeperson every single time I loggon. 'Bout sums it up. I almost always experience these weird anxious butterflies when I'm on there. I feel like I'm missing something...or waiting for something....or late for something. Anyone who knows me knows full well that being late for anything is serious business in my world. Freaks me out. Cannot stand the thought of NOT being fuckin' early. Anyway, that's how facebook makes me feel and yet there I am...motherfuckin trolling along. That isn't a new realization, though.

     Now comes the precious new lightbulb. How do I feel when I'm on Pinterest? I hear a lot of people say they feel overwhelmed when they are on there and I can understand that. Pin after pin after pin of visual information. That could be too much for some people. Not me. When I get on Pinterest I immediately get this calming feeling. It covers me like a comfy cozy blanket. Huge fan of the visual stimuli, rightcheer!

     There isn't any jealousy/envy or competitiveness OR anxiousness involved in perusing Pinterest. See somethin' ya like, create a board, pin it.....and then keep on a pinnin'. I don't do it for anyone but myself....a lot like this here blog. My absolute favorite thing to find pins for is my "The House That Alice is Going to Build" board. Now that I've achieved my goal of finding a job (not only "a" job my the job of my dreams) I'm going to keep going until I have everything I've ever wanted. Pinterest allows me to put all those ideas in one beautiful spot-a folder containing lovely pictures of everything I could possibly want in my dream abode!
Yes, I wanna live in a barn. 

     I'm an optimist, not a moron. I know attaining this goal isn't going to be easy or fast. Luckily, on top of being an optimist and non-moron I'm an extreme procrastinator (kind of like an extreme hoarder only with less flies;). That means I can believe I will have my house as much as I want for a really really REALLY long time:D. Just thinking and planning by pinning the hours away makes me content.

     But planning my cabin/barn dream home in the woods isn't the only thing I think about when I'm on Pinterest. Pinterest has saved my teacher ass many times over. I can type in anything and come up with lesson plans and strategies galore! I can do this on google, of course, but Pinterest filters all the fuck ton of crappy lessons out of the bunch. Alls I gets is the good stuff, baby:). Let's see, what else.....food? Fuck yeah! DIY crafty shit? Yepper!!! Ideas for getting my 4 year old to stop whining?.....not as of yet but I'm not giving up hope. Why? Because I'm a motherfucking optimista and I believe in Pinterest! Kinda the way children believe in Santa:D. Actually, it does kinda feel like Christmas morning when I hit refresh and see 500 new pins to sift through:)

     Does this mean I'm going to give up Facebook? Probably not. However, the good news is I feel a nice little balance within the force. When I'm up late eyeballing someone's page and feeling ookier than a motherfucker I am comforted with the fact that I can shoot on over to Pinterest for my sin atonement. Instant balance. My creeper anxiety subsides and I'm once again knee deep in enticing photographs of indoor hammock swings and pithy posters of bored looking kittens proclaiming their hatred for Mondays. BALANCE...and good choices....with a little dab of trouble. That's me;)

Tuesday, April 23, 2013

When Dove Cries...because I prefer the parody over the real deal.

   
 I do things completely ass backwards most of the time...I also tend to do things half assed. Come to think of it I have no idea how I am able to accomplish anything. Anyway, true to form I watched the male Dove Experiment parody before I watched the real version (but I did watch it all the way through....so HA!). I'm not super sentimental nor do I have 50 billions hours of free time so I thought I'd skip the lady one without really missing anything fabulous. And I was right. Although it's beautiful and poignant, it didn't really tell me anything I didn't already know. I adored the Dove real body pictures where the women of all sizes posed naked much better.
Well, fuck. I coulda sworn they were nakies. Oh well. Still awesome

Anyway, I was watching the real version when Marco comes in and asks what I was watching. So I explained what the commercial was all about, which was really difficult to do in 10 words or less....that's about his attention span if there aren't drums or a laser light show involved. I cut to the chase when I saw the glazed look and simply said, "it is trying to imply that women don't see how beautiful they really are" to which he replied, "Or how ugly they really are". He was dead serious! I tried to explain it 2 more times and finally gave up. Before he left the room he put his arm around my shoulder and said "I get it...you know, you don't know how beautiful YOU are".

HUH!?!!?! I don't know why I'm surprised. He's Wayne Newton in a 9 year old's body. Full-o-charm. Last night he joined me outside for my nightly picnic dinner. We ate and talked and mocked Ari (the 4 year old) together...Ari has a radar on me that alerts him when I sit down or feel any joy what-so-ever. He gets the signal that I'm content and rushes to demand something, ANYTHING...as long as it requires me getting up or experiencing discomfort. Then and only then does he feels like he's done his job as a 4 year old. Anyway, even Ari's plot didn't harsh my mellow. It was still so sweet getting to hang out with Marco. I flashed forward 20 years to us hanging out on his back porch and mocking HIS 4 year old as we enjoyed a nice burger. My little bright white Wayne Newton:). Of course lil Wayne just got sent to bed at 7:00PM for sitting on his brother until he puked. Nah, still good:)

PS I almost put up a pictures of Wayne but upon closer inspection via google I decided....um...no. I kinda wanna say something about the scary factor but I think I'll just gracefully/awkwardly fade away............