So, I've been off Facebook for a week and I gotta say I feel pretty damn good about it. I deactivated my account so I could force myself to get my ass up and do some laundry. Oddly, I never had the urge to hop back on there.
What I miss about Facebook:
1. Pictures of fat squishy babies eating cake that are so fucking cute they make my my boobs lactate.
2. .....yeah, that's about it.
What I don't miss about Facebook:
1. Creepers-Hey dirtbag assholes, lay off the God Damn married ladies and taken men!
2. Creeping- there's nothing more disturbing than finding yourself browsing a strangers photos and thinking "Aw! Look how sweet her baby is and WOW her kids have gotten so big and I wonder what park they're at in this pic and HOLY FUCK I'M A STALKER!"....gross.
3. False Advertising-do ya REALLY think I look like that in real life? Really? Suckah!
4. Low self-esteemers, need not apply- When I find myself up at night wondering why no one found my status about Shasta orange soda to be worthy of neither a "like" nor a comment.....I gots the problems.
5. TIMESUCK- My ass hurts. Time to go outside.
6. BRAINSUCK- I know I blame my kids but I honestly think being on Facebook has decreased my IQ...and it wasn't that impressive to begin with.
7. Mister Jealousy Devil- BITCH, STOP WRITING ON MY BOYFRIEND'S WALL ABOUT GETTING BRUNCH!....oh yeah, we ALL know what "brunch" means, ya dirty ho. Uh huh. Yep. Aaaaaaand I'm pathetic.
8. Pedestals- For some reason people take that false advertising way too seriously and actually think that someone's Facebook profile IS who they are. Then their hearts break when they discover that there is no such thing as a completely honest Facebook profile. "OMG, you have 4 boys and you're divorced and you're trying to find a teaching job and you're sometimes funny.....I LOVE YOU SOOOOO MUCH! You're like the BEST most fucking fantastic amazing human being I've ever known!......Hold up.....dude, you never take your kids to the library. Oh......never mind."
9. Soapboxes- Here's the deal...I actually love reading all that shit because I'm dumb as fuck and I need all these rantings to teach me about what the hell's going on in the world. However, when you post shit after shit after shit after shit AND THEN you post a picture of a man in Afgahnistan or wherever stepping on a baby girl in hopes of choking her to death....you can FUCK. OFF. God DAMN, I'm still having nightmares about that one.
10. People who take Facebook so fucking seriously. That one really doesn't need explaining, now does it?
Yeah, the sad thing is I'll probably be back on in an hour when I'm drunk:/. Fucking Facebook.
Teh facebook sucks a-holes without you (and Holly) - but, I understand. :l
ReplyDeleteWell, that's just precious. Thanks, SB;D
ReplyDeleteI miss you on FB though! :( Glad we still have your blog!
ReplyDeleteMiss you too, Steph!!! I'll probably get back on soon. I'm having serious facebook withdrawals:(. I feel very much out of the loop. I can't remember what my life was like before facebook...that's so sad.
ReplyDelete