A Handful of Moments

One of the suckiest things about being a single Mom of four semi-demanding "if you don't pay attention to me right this second then I'm going to assume you hate me and love the others more" children is not being able to give them 100% of my attention when they need me. The second one of them needs me you can bet your ass there are at least two others that need me, too. They all start talking/screaming at me at the same time and I'm overwhelmed with anger because I want to give them what they need. It pisses me off but it's physically impossible to please everyone therefore there is always someone who feels neglected.

To make matters worse, I still don't have a job. I'm subbing a lot and doing the best I can but it's stressful as all hell. The one saving grace about being a subbing Momma is I have the flexibility to volunteer in their classrooms. Last week I showed up in my 8 year old's class to help stuff folders. I had no idea this was going to be such a big deal. When I walked in the classroom my boy lit up with pride. I felt like a rock star. All the kids kept coming up to me asking me whose Mom I was. The rest of the day I must have received dozens of hugs from my 8 year old. And his little chunky butt can give out some scrumptious hugs. Damn, I wish I had done this sooner! That would be my Proud Momma Moment #1.

Momma Gets An A Moment #2: I'm always looking for sub jobs and when my 5th grader's class was needing a sub I nabbed it up without a second thought. The icing on the cake was the fact that it was on his birthday. I realize that subbing in my shy, often humiliated by everything 11 year old's class on his birthday could have seriously backfired on me...but it DIDN'T, so HA! I made a vow to myself not to be as hard assed as I usually am. As a sub I always have to be "on" because the kids treat me like a sub. It's hard a shit! But I couldn't do that to my big boy. Not only did I win them over but I handed out chocolate bars at the end of the day. That's right....full. size. chocolate. motherfuckin. bars. Oh yeah. They loved me. I even heard a little girl say "she's cool for a Mom". THANK YOU! My big boy told me it was the best birthday ever. Sweet Jesus, yes!

Momma Loves You Moment #3: My baby boy (the 3 year old) was home sick and I have a rule that when one is sick one needs donuts and chocolate milk. So, we went to our favorite donut shop and settled down in a booth with WAY too many donuts (as usual). We started playing a color game (my boy's smart but the color identification thing needs a lil work). After we identified the color of the donut baskets I praised him up and down to which he replied "I love you, Momma". Damn, if he has asked me to buy him 50 more donuts after that I woulda. There's no better feeling than when one of my boys does that pause thing and then tells me they love me. It's like they're really appreciating the moment. Or it's gas.

Now when it comes to my 6 year old...well, these moments aren't as cut and dry. One second I'm the "best Mom in the world" and the next second I'm the "worst" (yep, his words). The moments that make my day when it comes to him are when he "gets it". When the light bulb goes off and he truly understands me and I truly understand him...that's my miracle of the day. Tonight he wanted some chocolate. I was just about to hand it over when he stopped me and said "Wait. I'll do you a solid since you did me a solid. You wanted me to eat the pizza so how bout I eat the pizza and then you give me the chocolate?". OK, to you people this might sounds ridiculous but I don't think I've smiled that big in weeks. There wasn't a tantrum. There wasn't any kicking or scratching or screaming. It was bliss. Plain and simple. I think the "THANK YOU" I shouted in my head was so loud I almost popped an ear drum.

You know that shit parents say about needing those handful of moments that make it all worth it? They ain't lyin'. These moments...plus the Zoloft...keep me coming back for more. I want to make them proud. I want them to see me for who I am. I want them to "get me". I want them to pause and think about how they love me. Most importantly I never want them to doubt that I will always be here to snuggle on demand and help them make guitars out of water bottles and offer up my copy of The Hobbit from when I was a kid and try my damnedest to get Obi-Wan Kenobi from the LEGOS Star Wars video game to jump up on the ledge so he can use the force to lower the bridge (even though we all know there's no way in hell I can actually do this NO MATTER HOW FUCKING HARD I TRY.....stupid video games). I love my boys and they love their Momma.

sidenote: I'm beyond disappointed in the interwebs. Not one single youtube video on how to make a milk jug guitar????? You let me down, google.