So, all my friends keep telling me (because they are too adorable to come right out and scream "THANKFUCKINGGOD I'M NOT YOU!") that I'm so lucky I have this time to really get to know ME. Explore. Celebrate being single! My darling best friend said these words to me today "even when you're lonely, the person you are alone with is you. Lucky." OK so it really is sweet because she's trying to imply that she thinks I'm awesome. But here's the thing....I've met me and I'm not really all that awesome. I mean yes, I can be amusing and charming for a couple of hours but really after that I ain't so great.
In the spirit of not acting like a depressed asshole that spends hours stalking her ex-boyfriend's new gorgeous girlfriend on facebook, I decided to take last weekend and do a little catching up with myself. I wined (metaphorically speaking, of course, since I abhor wine) and dined (again, metaphorical.....unless you consider meals consisting of giant Symphony bars and string cheese to be a complete dining experience;) my bad self out the motherfucking wazoo. See, I charm.
My first official solo outing was to the Christmas lighting on the square. At first it wasn't half bad. I moseyed around leisure like until I found a nice little bench in the shadows away from the crowd. Honestly, this was a difficult test. The aforementioned ex-boyfriend and I used to enjoy walking around the square and sillying it up amidst the magic lights. I thought finding a dark corner would be apropos given my recent inability to not sob at the drop of a hat. There I was, enjoying the moon and fantasizing about Kirsten Dunst eating bacon (I'm....not....joking). All was calm and then...all was bright. And I assure you, I am not speaking metaphorically now. I mean literally every inch of the square as well as every living being within a mile of the square were suddenly BRIGHT!
They did the count down to flip the lights on and for some reason it didn't occur to me that the lights were all around my happy ass. HELLO! Wondering where the horny depressed lady who is constantly checking her phone to see if someone, ANYONE has texted her currently resides? Why she's sitting over there on that glowing bench by the giant 500 watt bushes. Ya can't miss her! The first me date promptly ended. I ran home to my Symphony bar and Cupcake Wars.
I guess the point of this post is to announce that from henceforth I shall be reporting my adventures in dating.....myself. YAY!....again, fuck.
P.S. I understand the whole "ya gotta love yourself before you can expect to love or be loved by others" adage and I fully intend to take this time to do yoga and "find myself" and all that crap but I'm telling you right now I draw the line at the mirror activity.
DANG! How is that the same little vampire shit from Interview With a Vampire??? I really need to knock it off with the apocalypse movies but Melancholia is one of my favorites....mainly because of this scene;). See, I enjoy life in my own way.
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