Sunday, June 16, 2013

In other words, I think too much.
There's this lovely thing called the mean girl syndrome....or I guess you could call it an effect or an illness or a phenomenon. Whatever you call it it seems to repeat generation to generation. It's very interesting to me. I say "interesting" because I've fallen prey to the "mean girls" all throughout my life and although my first reaction is to curl up into the fetal position and cry until my head bursts, the very next inclination I have is one of pity and wonder. Being a magnet for evil doesn't mean I have to let it beat me down. So, why not turn it around and approach it from a scientist's perspective? As a truly great teacher at my school says to his students "Don't get furious, get curious". I love that.

No need to go into what happened and who said what. That part is my burden. Running over and over every situation in my mind to try and determine the root of why someone doesn't particularly care for me to the point of exhaustion is one of my many super powers. Sounds torturous but after days of doing this somehow I eventually find peace and move on. Flooding;)

What it all boils down to..."determining the root of why". Why are these women the way they are? Why is it so important to tear someone down in order to feel awesome about themselves? There are so many different ways to go about feeling awesome without hurting another human being. Also, why are these people so many times characterized as being "leaders"? "Well, she's bossy now but I believe when she's an adult she will be a leader!!!" OK. How about telling that "bossy" girlchild that being a good leader.....fuck, being a good person doesn't involved manipulation? How about explaining to that future leader the concept of integrity and humility and empathy? Or we can simplify it if that's too difficult. How about laying out for them what's right and what's wrong? I'd venture to guess that these adult mean girls didn't have that someone in their lives to spell out any of those concepts and that's where my pity comes in.

A dear friend's daughter recently participated in something called an Instagram Beauty Contest, completely inadvertently, of course. It seemed harmless enough to her. You post pictures of your friends and people vote for the ones that are the prettiest. Each time they vote someone gets eliminated. The person left standing is considered the prettiest. She's way too young to understand the ramifications of this crazy ass game and honestly if I hadn't seen a news report the night before I never would have thought anything of it. It isn't like they were outright calling girls ugly.....but the implication was certainly there. So, being the awesome Momma that she is, my friend explained to her daughter how this game was wrong. On her own volition, her daughter immediately took down the contest.

I think that intervention....that clarification of what's right and what's wrong.....wasn't provided for the adult mean girls in my situation. In fact, calling them "mean girls" isn't right. They aren't mean. They're incomplete. Maybe they weren't taught to be curious enough....to find out why people are different from them.....to celebrate differences and instead of highlighting people's weaknesses, celebrate their strengths. Embrace what each person can bring to the table....don't chip away at what's broken. If you can't get past the broken parts, then for god's sake help them repair what's broken. That's what I would want. That's what I DO want. You see a part of me you don't like.....a part you consider unrefined and broken??? By all means, give me some help to try and build that part up. If it's going to make me a better person....a better Momma...a better teacher...I want what you have to offer.

Seek to think deeper. The curiouser you are, the more easily attainable empathy becomes.


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