Damn You, Cookie Cake!!!

So, I decided not to post everyday. That was rather unrealistic of me. There was a cookie cake incident but other than that I've been a very good girl. So far I've lost 10 pounds. Everyday is still a struggle, though. When the boys are at their Father's it's easier to control the urge to eat 10 candy bars in my car but when they are in my care.....it's not pretty. Food has been my happy place all my life. Motherhood upped the need for the happy place by about 1000%. When one of the boys is tantrumming it's about impossible to stop myself from blacking out and waking up in a sea of candy wrappers.

I've made it this far by keeping a strict routine. I eat at certain times and only those times. What cracks me up is when I'm with other people and they treat me like I'm starving myself. My Father actually told me today that "starving yourself isn't going to work". Why does it make people so uncomfortable when other people are not stuffing their faces? I bought a sandwich and I wasn't going to eat it until 12:30 when I got home. That's when I eat lunch. It's hard enough to "diet" but when people are constantly telling me I'm doing it wrong it's damn near impossible. I'm not snacking. Plain and simple. Where I come from it's rude not to eat when others are eating but they are just going to have to deal with it.

I broke down and bought a scale:/. BOO! I had to. My weight isn't what concerns me, it's my size. Having said that I need some sort of incentive to keep going and when I see that number going down it's some pretty fucking good motivation. I need motivation. The stressors keep on a comin' and there's no money in the budget for happy pills, unfortunately:/