Can The Heart To Hearts

My 6 year old hot mess.

Tonight my 6 year old showed renewed interest in the ancient Leapster from yesteryear. After getting all these newfangled techy gadgets from their Dad they all seemed to fall out of love with the older crap. He was loving it and I was encouraging this love affair because the games are educational and not violent. "Let's take a quiz about Polar Bears"....fuck yeah, man! I'll take that over SuperMario any day.

Anyway, I gave him warning after warning that bedtime was coming but of course he threw a huge shitfit when I finally made him turn the Leapster off. "YOU JERK! I HATE YOU! WHY ARE YOU SO MEAN TO ME? YOU JUST WANT TO HURT ME AND MAKE ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MYSELF!"....Um, what the fuck! He's the one calling ME a jerk! So, I spanked him (shut up) and forced him to sit on the potty to calm down and pee (no wet beds on my watch).

While sitting there I explained that I was simply asking him to go to bed while HE was calling me names and making ME feel bad inside.  Expecting more hissing and "I hate you"s I was completely taken aback when he calmed down and gave me a completely unfamiliar look. It took me a while but I finally realized that look was actual sympathy and understanding. WHAT? Serious Twilight Zone shit. Maybe I should have more heart to hearts with my boys while they're on the potty....or as they like to call it "the can". Lovely, I know. Once again the bathroom unites us as a family.

SIDE NOTE ABOUT SHIT MY KIDS SAY: The other day my 3 year old's teacher relayed a darling little conversation she had with him at school. He was sitting on her lap and out of the blue he asked her if she "ever farts on people". Exciting stuff. Super exciting. Mortified but not surprised, I had to laugh. Deep down I was thinking "Oh Christ, please tell me he didn't say anything like "well, MY Momma farts on people" during this conversation!". Not that I do..............OK fine. I threaten to on rare occasion. Hey, my boys don't respond to the "make good choices" approach. But the idea of being farted on is enough to scare them straight. Thankfully I haven't had to follow through with this threat...yet.