Happy Belated Candy and Boobs Day!

When you're single (or married without children) Valentine's Day is all about you. Look at me! Gimme stuff! FEED ME EXPENSIVE FOOD! And then be understanding when I pass out before Valentine's sex because of all the expensive food. Heehee. Ooops!

All that shit is fun, don't get me wrong. But you a suckah if you think it lasts...or if you think you would WANT it to last. Maybe I'm a weirdo but the idea of getting all fancied up and spending a fuck ton of money on food just to be muffin topping out of my control tops doesn't sound like a super awesome Valentine's Day. Sounds kinda suckish to me. Don't look at me! You fed me cheese! I'm lactose intolerant! YOU POISONED ME AND NOW I'M FATISH!....do me a solid and grab me some scissors so I can cut myself out of these control top panty hose.

Here is where I reveal my problem. Mostly I'm not ashamed of my problem. I really don't SEE it as a problem. But I guess it is....a problem. Yoga pants. I love yoga pants. All I want to wear is the yoga pant. They're so comfy and slimming (shut up, they are) and I can eat and eat and they just look cute and don't make me look fat (SHUT UP!). OK, I know they're the new version of the Mom Jeans but I don't care! They make me happy.

OK so yoga pant obsession aside I do realize I'm a woman and I do like to feel sexy (as long as I don't have to be uncomfy...had to add that stipulation). Knowing that I would never spend the money on pretty lady items myself the Super Boyfriend gave me a gift card to Victoria's Secret. He is, after all, the Emperor of Romance;).

It being Candy and Boob Day (That's what I call Valentine's Day because it's really all about eating candy and showing off your boobs. Tell me I'm wrong, I dare you) I decided to brave the Mall and partake of the pretty panties. Bare in mind, this wasn't an easy trip to make because I've gained weight.....slid past curvy and moved right on into plump but I'm cool with it. Pumped and excited to have something new and kid booger free, I sauntered into the Mall ready to get my sexy on.

Aw! Look at that beautiful knocked up lady! Nope. No baby. Just a Double Doozie Cookie.

One step into Victoria's Secret and I literally said out loud "Sweet Jesus, they have sweats!" (sweats being a close second to yoga pants). Man, sweats make me love life but that's not why I was there, dammit! After some tough love self talk I resolved to walk away from the sweats. Two steps away and damn if I'm not smack dab in front of Razorback sweats. Come on!!!!! Oh, I wanted them bad. I almost did a little tantrum jumping.

Moving on, I found lots of ridiculously short nighties. Not my forte but I was game. That was the fastest I've ever tried on anything in my life. It's not that it looked bad I'm just not a lacy frilly little tiny bows everywhere kinda girl. Totally appreciate it on other women, just not on this woman;). The perfect compromise was a cotton striped nightie. Plain, simple, boob pads- perfect!

Nothing is going to make me give up my yoga pants. Whether I'm 115 pounds or 145 pounds, I must have them. I'm a working single Mom with a boyfriend that lives 4 states away. Kinda easy to say "fuck it" and frump it up.  But I am going to try to make an effort to feel a little more womanish. The boyfriend (Who is, by the way, the most kind, loving, sympathetic, understanding, giving, hilarious, amazing....he's God, OK. He's superhuman and possibly an alien because Earth people aren't that wonderful) deserves a girlfriend that actually looks like a girl.

Happy 2 Days after Valentine's Day! Eat your candy and show off your boobs! Especially if you're this bitch (said with affection and love because although I don't know her I find her proportions tantalizing as well as unfair as all get out).

I found her on Pinterest. Would it be weird if I added her to my "Want It Bad" board? God Almighty!