3 year old: Mommy gimme water!
Me: OK sweetie, just wait 5 min...
3 year old: MOMMY GI-MME WATER!
Me: I'd love to, I swear to God! Just let me watch this. It won't last long.
3 year old: NOW!
11 year old: Can I have the remote? This is awful music.
Me: NO, 11 year old! 3 year old, hold on, sweetie. I love you! Just give me this one thing. It's all I'm asking!
3 year old now literally on top of my head: I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I WANT WATER GET UP!
11 year old: This is MY room. I shouldn't have to be subject to this kind of torture in MY room!
6 year old screaming from down the hall: Mom, the 8 year old has my brush! GET IT FROM HIM! HURRY! LIFE AND DEATH, MOM! IF YOU DON'T COME RIGHT THIS SECOND YOU DON'T LOVE ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Me frantically trying to peek through all the arms and legs: I'M BEGGING YOU GUYS! PLEASE! I'LL GET YOU 12 GALLONS OF WATER IN 2 MINUTES! I'LL BEAT YOUR BROTHER IN A SECOND AND GET YOUR BRUSH BACK! PLEASE!
................and that concludes Madonna's spectacular half time show. Ah, blow.
So then, like a fucking 2 year old I stomped into the bathroom and gave him his water all huffy and ridiculous. Just as I'm at the climax of my Mommy tantrum the 8 year old ran into the bathroom with my phone all ecstatic that he figured out how to take photos and said "Hey, Mom! Smile!". Of course, in true split personality form I immediately flashed a big smile. He handed me the camera and I melted into the floor as I looked at my 3 year old's giant grin in the picture.
Oh, poor me. Alone all weekend. Sleeping in. Laying on my ass and doing whatever I want. Eating Symphony Bars willy nilly. Then these children invade my life and bother me with their demands and unconditional love and adoration. Jesus, WHY ME! I swear, sometimes I marvel at how absurd my brain is. Who gives a fuck about Madonna. No question mark because that's totally rhetorical. Yes, my children do need to respect things that are important to me but watching Madonna sing in THE most boring outfit ever worn on television truly does NOT fall under the category of "things that are important to me".
I am not afraid to out my bad Mommy moments. Super flawed as I am, I know I'm a good Momma. BUT I am not super human. I'm still selfish as all hell. The difference is my ability to recognize when I'm being a dumb ass. And I was.
She lip-sync'd anyhow - what a GYP, yo! Cee-Lo Green, on the other hand, burned the mushahfrushah down.
ReplyDeleteDammit! The boys were so loud I couldn't hear Cee-Lo! I'm gonna have to youtube it.
ReplyDeleteThat's a pretty darn adorable picture! I was trying to watch the halftime show too, but Harper wasn't cooperating. She was ready for bed. Fortunately I was able to pause the show, put her to bed, and then watch it. It wasn't that great though. You should decibels invent in a DVR. It would make a world of difference. We have at & t UVerse. If you had that then you can record all those fabulous shows when you aren't able to watch them and then watch them when you actually have time too. Plus, it has on demand and you can just pick a show and watch it anytime for free. I use it all the time - mostly for Hayden.
ReplyDeleteWhen we get our own place that's for sure on the list of must haves. Honestly, I think the person who invented the DVR must have been a parent because it's genius!
ReplyDeleteWhy do we even try? Sometimes in these moments I like to lie on the floor and let them literally walk all over me.
ReplyDeletep.s. Dropping by to say that stage fright is the reason you SHOULD audition for LTYM. A woman who spoke in Madison last year was phobic of public speaking and attended the audition on a dare from her daughter. She rocked the show--she was fantastic. She overcame her fear and it changed her life.
Ohhhhhh my God. I think that was pretty close to the adult version of a dare. I'll think about it but I'm a little terrified I won't be able to control the bad words. They're sorta ingrained. Thanks for the words of encouragement!
ReplyDelete